What the hell is happening?
Well I’m back with a few updates. Last night certainly didn’t go as I had expected. Firstly, I was ghosted by my crush like I suspected I would be. I drove around until about 1:00am waiting for her to message me but it never came. I would be lying if I said that didn’t sting a bit, but like I mentioned before it feels like karma coming back to bite my ass for my past indiscretions. I’m curious to see what gets said about that today, if anything. I could be blowing this all out of proportion too but I’m calling it what it looks like at least for now.
That event or lack there of, was overshadowed by me getting into an argument with my parents last night. The result of that at least last night, lead to me sleeping in the trunk of my car. My parents and I have a weird relationship, we really don’t get along on some things and it feels like we never will. They were drinking last night when I got home from driving around waiting, and they confronted me about something. To which I replied can we not do this right now, and that kicked things off. I’m not really sure where we stand today but I fear that there may be many more nights of sleeping in the car in my future. I’ve slept in my car before for a few weeks, I’m not an amateur but I’m no pro either.
I think what I crave out of life now the most is stability. It’d be nice knowing I could go a year without ever having to live in a car, let alone twice. I’ve got quite a few problems at this point. I’m always at the point of what feels like almost drowning lately and It’s a lot on the head. I can get ahead in some areas, only to get my ass kicked in others. Any gains made in one particular spot are a direct loss in others. I was doing pretty good with paying off my debts lately but I feel like this new living situation will throw a hurdle in there. I’ve literally got $40 to last me until Thursday and it’s only Saturday morning. That’s got to cover gas, food, and anything else I may need. This is going to be a challenge. I’m always up for a challenge but Jesus Christ this is going to be difficult.
If you had asked me where I thought I would be when I was this age, I definitely would not have said high as fuck, writing this, in a Wal-Mart parking lot watching the sun come up wondering where just about my next everything is going to come from. Life sure has a funny way of being a fucking asshole sometimes. I don’t know when my next entry will be after this but I will do my best to update when I can going forward. I’m supposed to watch the kids this weekend because my ex-wife has a funeral to attend but I’m not sure how things will play out now. I should be talking to her in the next hour or so hopefully to figure out a game plan.
I guess I do have one thing to be excited about today, today marks 3 weeks with no liquor of any kind. I wanted to drink last night, and honestly a quart of black rum would make a delicious breakfast today but I don’t want to undo any of my progress. There’s just a lot happening right now and it’s pretty intense. I have a hard time keep focused on one issue at a time without getting overwhelmed. I think if today ends up going how I think it’s going to go, I’ll be able to address at least some of those problems today or at least start. Today is going to be a day of plan making and hopefully starting to execute on that.
This life is a lot of things but boring certainly isn’t one of them. Take care everyone. Be kind, be happy, and enjoy the little things. Until next time my friends.