Well folks, good day and hello again. I wasn’t expecting to have the time to write a post tonight but here I am. It’s 9:15pm currently and that date I was supposed to go on has not been mentioned again lol. I don’t want to be a nag or bother her especially if she’s busy, which I’m assuming she’s getting her kids ready for bed and whatnot. I’m also assuming tonight is going to be a no go, but who knows I guess. If it doesn’t happen tonight I’m assuming it won’t ever. The only reason I say that is because I’ve mentioned it before and she didn’t seem to mirror my excitement about it. It may still be my own paranoia and for all I know it could be, but I feel like at this point it’s kind of dead in the water but who knows.
Beyond that the day wasn’t to bad. I’m getting tired of living with my parents. We have our differences and it shows sometimes. Primarily my mom is the problem, she instigates arguments and it’s annoying. Hey anyone reading this, if you want to be an idiot with your life and end up living with your parents when your almost 27, it fucking sucks. I highly recommend avoiding that route. It’s mind boggling to me now thinking about how stupid I am like natural selection should have caught up to me by now haha.
I know I said the day wasn’t to bad and it’s not, but I’m kind of craving a drink. I know I said the idea of drinking makes me nauseous and disgusted, but I kind of want a drink. It’s times like right now where my mind wants it. What I really enjoyed about it, it felt like a new take on life, you get to see everything through a new lens. It also made me forget just about everything for a while and I miss that. My drinking is cyclical and I can see that now, and there is very much so a direct link between my emotions and drinking patterns. I could never see that before but I am starting to be able to now.
Life actually kind of sucks, not going to lie. A lot of it is a slog at least right now. With that being said I also understand things could be SIGNIFICANTLY worse, it’s just like damn, you know? I really hate how I am basically a skid. I wanted more for myself at this age and I have no one to blame but myself for it. I have become a product of my own selfish life, it’s fitting though I will give it that.
I am hanging out with my kids all weekend which I’m really excited about. I hope they have fun. I have no idea what we’re going to do yet but I’ll figure something out. I may not have the chance to write tomorrow, but I will try again Sunday evening. I hope everyone has a great weekend, stay safe and have fun.
