Now, I know what your thinking. I missed a day, I went back on my challenge. The evening partially got away from me and when I did have some time to myself I just didn’t feel like writing. I decided some relaxation time was more appropriate. One thing I hadn’t thought about with this challenge was how I feel about writing vs doing it for roughly an hour plus every night for 30 days. I really would like to stick with writing long term and I don’t want to get sick of it before I even really get going.
Things since the last time I made an entry have been really good. I’ve been feeling better as each day goes on. I recently decided to try and quit drinking for good. I have tried many many times in the past but to no avail. It’s probably worth mentioning that each time I have tried to actually quit before, I only took it seriously for maybe a week and then rewarded that with a drink. Classic move. This time I am really trying to take it seriously, I am almost two weeks sober and as insignificant as that may seem to some, others know it is a monumental achievement in the making.
When I was younger I used to look forward to getting drunk. I would spend all day thinking about how good it tasted and how amazing the entire process of going from sober to drunk was. As I got older the novelty of it all started to wear off, and now I just despise it. It’s been that way for the last couple of years and this last year especially. I feel as if i’m at a point where my own disgust for the taste, the habit, and who I become is starting to outweigh the addiction itself. I’ve also started to see the person that drinking makes me, even when i’m not drinking like the day after, for example. I still wouldn’t be myself by any stretch, I would be a pissed off loser shell of my former self.
I’ve hurt everyone around me at one point or another and I really do believe my lack of control with liquor has played a major role in that and during that time in my life I was ignorant to the radiant damage I was causing. Little did I know a lot of those effects are permanent and I have to live with those choices for the rest of my life, but rightfully so. I understand I pulled the trigger and signed off on every action whether it be positive or negative in my life. Now i’m at a point where not only do I want to fix what damage I can, but I also want to succeed and surround myself with those who want the same.